A few days before Christmas last year I found out I was pregnant. I was on birth control so it was extremely unexpected. However, after the initial shock, I was VERY excited. I ended up having a miscarriage in January. I was about a month and a half along. I never in a million years expected that it would have such an effect on me. It was such a new pregnancy and wasn't planned and I didn't even have insurance at the time. I guess I felt like I didn't have any reason to be upset. How crazy of me! I was absolutely devastated. I cried for weeks! I couldn't be around anyone. And what made it even worse was that 2 of my cousins and 2 friends were all pregnant as well. And we were all due around the same time. As happy as I was for them, every time I saw them I hurt so much inside.
It's been almost a year since then but it still gets to me. Especially when I start thinking about how crazy my day has been and how much I haven't gotten accomplished, I imagine how much crazier it would be with an infant in the house.
This morning (or afternoon, I should say) I was awakened by the neighbor's baby (we live in an apartment) crying. He was so loud I could hear him through the walls! And strangely enough it just put me in such a good mood. I have always loved kids. I always feel so much more at ease when I'm around them. Even if they're crying.
I listened to this song about 50 times daily when I was going through the miscarriage. It made me cry like a baby. But it also made me feel so much better.
I was due in September and have wanted a piece of Sapphire jewelry since I found out I was pregnant. haha! But even more so once I had the miscarriage. The only people I told were my boyfriend and my mom. So to have a piece of jewelry that I could wear to remember our little angel baby without having to have everyone else know would mean so much! I've been looking non stop but could never find something that "said" what I wanted it to. Last week as I was looking for Xmas presents I came across this:
I absolutely LOVE it! It's beautiful and it's a tear drop. How perfect. I can't wait to get it!!
Alright, time to go Christmas shopping! Thankfully, I only have a few things left to get.
I am so sorry about your miscarriage. It is amazing how much we love our baby to be, in such a short period of time. And how much it hurts to lose them.
ReplyDeleteThe sapphire is beautiful, and a perfect reminder for you. Without pictures, all we have is our memories. And it seems us mothers are the only ones who really remember at all, after some time has passed!
Thank you for sharing your story here on your blog! It helps a little to know that I am not alone, and to hear how other women have dealt with their losses.